Piece of Cake
by Madj
Summary: She was a grown woman, a leader, a warrior, a skilled negotiator. So why was she allowing herself to be defined by a pathetic, misshapen lump of chocolate cake? JohnTeyla Ficathon story. Complete.


_Thanks to everyone who reviewed my other stories. I appreciate each review!_

**Title:** Piece of Cake  
**Rating:** K+  
**Category:** Pure shippy foof  
**Spoilers:** "Conversion," because I'm obsessed by The Kiss.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own them. Just playing. Done soon.**  
Summary: **She was a grown woman, a leader, a warrior, a skilled negotiator. So why was she allowing herself to be defined by a pathetic, misshapen lump of chocolate cake?  
**Note: **Written for the J/T Ficathon. Challenge is at the end. Since it was written for a PG list, I couldn't totally fulfill the challenge, but I hope it's OK anyway. :)  
**Note2:** Thanks to Sel for the beta.

****

I. Failure is not an option ... it is a reality  
  
Gabrielle "Gabby" Arnold was not easily surprised.

One doesn't work as a cook at the SGC for eight years without being able to take many things in stride. She had cooked for the president of the United States, as well as many other world leaders and military higher-ups. She'd cooked for people from different planets. She'd even prepared meals for the Go'auld. She'd seen and heard so many strange things in her time at the SGC, she was certain that nothing could surprise her anymore.

She was wrong, as she discovered about two in the morning as she walked into the kitchen for a little middle-of-the-night snack.

She'd seen many things in her time. But she'd never seen the usually confident and collected leader of the Athosian people dusted with flour, staring at a square brown lump of something on the counter, with tears running down her face.

Gabby knew that SGA-1 had been run ragged the past week and a half. Word was that some sort of predator had emerged on the mainland and was preying on livestock. There were fears that some people, particularly children, would be injured by the animal or animals. The team had been helping with hunts in between its usual missions.

Gabby herself had seen Ronan Dex fall asleep with his face in his dinner tray the day before. She'd heard rumors that Doctor McKay was even crankier and more insufferable than usual, and one of the nurses told her that Colonel Sheppard had tripped during a sparring session and sprained his wrist. Now she could see for herself that the Athosian leader was just as affected as her male teammates.

Gabby had spent plenty of time with her, learning Athosian recipes and the uses of Pegasus galaxy foods. But she'd never seen the leader at anything less than her best.

Teyla Emmagen was a mess, physically -- and clearly emotionally as well.

"Teyla, are you all right?"

Teyla looked up, immediately schooling her face into an even expression. The tracks of tears running through the flour on her face kind of ruined the image, though.

"I am ..." Teyla frowned, then suddenly pulled a knife out of nowhere.

Gabby felt a moment of alarm. She knew Teyla had some Wraith DNA in her, but surely the woman was not going to attack her just for asking a simple question?

With a growl, Teyla stabbed the knife in the middle of the brown thing in front of her. "I feel a bit better now," she said, laughing. A bit of hysteria seemed to tinge the laughter.

_Ooookay.  
_  
Gabby wandered closer to the counter, her eyes on the knife still standing upright in the ... was that a cake?

"Teyla, is that supposed to be a cake?"

For a moment it seemed like Teyla would start crying again. She quickly got herself under control enough to speak. "It was to be a gift for John -- Colonel Sheppard's -- birthday. I understand this is a tradition among your people. I know chocolate is his favorite ... but it is not right."

Teyla picked up a cookbook at her side and held it up. "It looks nothing like the photograph."

Gabby took the cookbook and glanced over the recipe. Teyla had picked a pretty simple one, but ...

"This calls for baking powder," Gabby said. She pointed at the ingredients scattered over the counter. "You used baking soda."

"There is a difference?"

At Gabby's pointed glance at the cake of death, Teyla sighed and answered her own question. "It seems so."

So Teyla was baking for Colonel Sheppard.

Gabby wondered if it was too late to get in on the betting pool. After losing fifty bucks betting on the supposed sure thing of O'Neill and Carter at the SGC, Gabby had resisted the various betting pools on Atlantis. Still, now that she had inside information, she could get back her fifty bucks and more.

"Maybe," she suggested slowly, "we could cover it up? Everything is better with chocolate frosting."

**II. Wherein Teyla comes face to frost with the enemy  
**  
Teyla needed sleep.

The trouble was, she was too tired to sleep.

She sat heavily on the side of her bed, staring at the table next to her door. John's cake, if one could really call it that, sat there, boxed up by Gabby. The cook had even dug up a bow from somewhere to put on the box's top.

With a nice coat of chocolate frosting, the cake looked almost normal. A little uneven, maybe, but it was possible nobody would notice. But Teyla had a feeling it would not taste right, either.

She sighed, glaring at the box.

She was a grown woman, a leader, a warrior, a skilled negotiator. So why was she allowing herself to be defined by a pathetic, misshapen lump of chocolate cake?

She had simply wanted to do something nice for her teammate on his birthday. That was all.

The fact that he looked at her differently now had nothing to do with it. Just because her dreams were filled with the kiss she managed to push out of her mind during the day, that was no reason to assume that anything had changed.

They had agreed to forget the kiss.

John was her closest friend in Atlantis, the person she could always turn to for support. It was unthinkable to lose that friendship over a meaningless kiss ... that she should not be thinking of, anyway.

Teyla groaned and fell back on her bed. John's party was the very next night. SGA-1 had a meeting with a possible trading partner in the morning, so she would have no time to try the recipe again. Perhaps, as Aiden once told her, it was the thought that counted.

At any rate, she was too tired to waste any more time thinking about it.

* * *

The party was in full swing when Teyla walked in.

She was late, due mostly to the time she had spent arguing with herself about the cake. It was a horrible cake. But it was the thought that counted. But what if it made John sick? And what other gift would she give him if not the cake? Back and forth she wrestled over the question until she'd finally snatched the box off her table and marched out of her room.

The first person she saw was Dr. McKay, shoving some bite-sized food in his mouth.

"Mmmah, Ggjeyla," he said, which she translated into "Hey, Teyla."

"Doctor," she said, pulling the cake box closer. "I believe every person in Atlantis is here."

In fact, the room was packed. Several signs wished the colonel a happy birthday, and music filled the air. As she watched, several Athosian children weaved through the crowd, laughing.

"No kidding," McKay said. "Better get your share of food before they eat it all. It's fabulous. And the cake Elizabeth brought looks terrific." He popped another morsel in his mouth and moaned.

Dr. Weir had brought a cake?

Teyla suddenly got a sick feeling in her stomach, which had nothing to do with watching Dr. McKay stuff food in his mouth. She nodded to him, trying to smile, and pushed her way through the crowd.

She saw a table at the end of the room, piled with wrapped boxes, gifts for Colonel Sheppard. She moved past another group of laughing people and then stopped dead as she saw it.

The cake, the beautiful cake, three times as large as the one she had made, sat proudly in a place of honor on the table, thick chocolate frosting gleaming warmly for everyone to admire. "Happy Birthday John!" was elegantly scripted in red frosting on top.

Teyla saw the cake, and she hated it.

And then she ran.

It was immature, certainly, but Teyla could not help herself.

She knew she was making a run for it. She could find something else to give Colonel Sheppard for his birthday. She could toss her pathetic excuse for a cake off the nearest balcony, and it would be like it never existed at all.

Only Teyla and Gabby would know the truth.

**III. There's no accounting for taste.  
**  
The balcony nearest her room was occupied by a snuggling couple, so Teyla took the offending dessert back to her room. She could simply sneak out in the middle of the night to dispose of the evidence.

She returned to the mirror. "What were you thinking?" she asked aloud, turning away to mutter to the ceiling. "You are going crazy, Teyla Emmagen."

Talking to herself? Running away from a party? Cooking for a man?

It was one thing to cook for a group of her people. It brought her pleasure to make food that her friends could enjoy. It was an entirely different matter to bake something specifically for a man, aiming to get a specific response.

But what response did she want from John Sheppard?

Teyla glanced at the box she'd dropped on her table. If she was aiming for laughter, she might have succeeded.

Teyla ran her hands through her hair and sighed. She had to stop this foolishness. She took a deep breath, held it a moment and then slowly blew it out. What would her father think of her acting like a crazy woman? This was not the way he had raised her.

She took another moment to compose herself, then headed for the door. She would go to John's party. Perhaps while there she would come up with an idea of a gift she could give him.

She opened the door, only to find Colonel Sheppard, his hand raised as though he was about to knock.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

"I am ... fine, John," she said, confused. "Why are you not at your party?"

"Oh." He looked down at the ground. "I saw you ... uh, at the party. But you left before I could get over to you. I thought maybe you were sick or something?"

Teyla did not want to lie to John, so she simply ignored the question. "I was just about to return."

"Cool." John grinned at her, leaning on the doorjamb. "So, shall we ... hey, is that for me?"

Teyla froze for a moment before following John's gaze to the damned cake box, sitting on the table where she'd dropped it.

She should have thrown it off the balcony, snuggling couple or not.

John was at the box already. He nearly had it open before she could speak. "No!" she yelped, then winced as he jumped back as though he'd been burned.

"OK, sorry," he said quickly. "It had a bow, so I thought ... nevermind."

He looked so embarrassed that she had to tell him the truth. "Colonel ... John ... it was to be a birthday gift, but it did not turn out as I had expected."

"Can I look?" he asked, grinning again. "It's not gonna blow up or anything, is it?"

"I believe that is unlikely."

She hoped.

John cautiously lifted the top of the box. "A cake? You made me a cake?" he sounded awed.

Now Teyla was the one who was embarrassed. "I understand it is a tradition on Earth. However, I am afraid I ruined it. I used the wrong ingredients."

"It looks pretty good," he said. "Maybe I could just try it?"

"I do not think that is a good idea," she said, pushing the box lid down. "Gabby -- the evening cook -- made this frosting to disguise it. But the frosting is likely the only edible part."

Understanding dawned on his face. "This is why you left the party? You know I don't care about getting presents, right? It's so great that you even tried to make me something. I'd rather spend time with you ... and, you know, the rest of the team ... than eat cake, anyway."

Teyla leaned back against the wall, feeling better than she had all week. "I do know that. But when I arrived and saw that wonderful cake that Dr. Weir made for you--"

"Whoa!" John started laughing. "Elizabeth didn't make that cake! When would she have time to bake? For that matter, when did you?"

She shrugged. "I did it last night. Or early this morning. It is not entirely clear to me now."

"Teyla." John stepped closer to her, and she felt her heart speed up. "That's just ... that's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. Now I gotta try this thing."

"Colonel ..." She wavered between relief that he had stepped back and disappointment that he was not going to try to kiss her again. Added to that was panic, since he had opened the cake box again.

"What's the worst that could happen?" he asked, chuckling. "It's not going to poison me or anything, right?"

Teyla suddenly had a realization. "John, instead of this cake, perhaps my gift to you could be an Athosian birthday dinner."

That stopped him for a moment. Then he shook his head and snatched up the knife she'd tucked beside the cake inside the box. "If I don't try it, I'll always wonder," he said mischievously. "It could be the best cake in the Pegasus galaxy."

Teyla sighed. "Perhaps I should call Dr. Beckett first."

John laughed and cut a small slice of cake. He waggled his eyebrows and her and shoved the cake in his mouth.

Then he stopped dead, a look of horror on his face.

Teyla could not help herself. She collapsed, laughing, against the wall.

He was making strange faces and pointing to his mouth. He seemed to be trying to chew the cake, but he certainly was not enjoying it.

Still laughing, Teyla made her way across the room and poured a glass of water from a pitcher she kept there. Just as he managed to swallow the offending dessert, she handed him the glass.

He nodded his thanks, then gulped down the entire glass.

She got her laughter under control just as he cleared his throat.

"So," he said casually. "Athosian birthday dinner, huh?"

**IV. And they lived happily ... well, you know the rest.  
**  
"That," John said, sitting back from the table, "was the best meal I've had since ... well, I can't remember."

Teyla smiled. "I am pleased you enjoyed it."

"Can it be my birthday every day?" He grinned at her.

She sighed in relief and sank back in her chair. It was not really his birthday anymore. The birthday cake fiasco had been one week before. The very next day, they had finished the hunt for the predator on the mainland, and the members of SGA-1 were returning to their normal selves. Teyla had even had plenty of time to prepare this meal in honor of John's birthday.

She had labored over every detail of the meal, determined to show John that she could do better than the horrible cake. She had borrowed a table for her room, and Gabby had supplied a tablecloth and some dishes and silverware. Teyla had lit many of her candles, giving the room a warm, romantic glow.

No, she thought. Not romantic. Just ... cozy.

"Teyla?"

She jerked her gaze away from one of the candles. John was staring at her, a strangely intense look on his face.

"I apologize," she said. "My mind was elsewhere. What did you say?"

"I said ..." He trailed off, biting his lip. "I was wondering if I could ask you a personal question."

For some reason, her heart speeded up. He looked so serious. She tried to make light of it. "I suppose I owe you that, after nearly poisoning you," she said.

"I know I said I would forget about it, but it's about the ... you know, when I kissed you."

Teyla forgot to breathe for a moment, then forced the air out of her lungs. She tried to speak, but nothing came out of her mouth.

John swallowed, then rushed on, as though he feared he would lose his nerve. "I thought, well, it seemed like maybe, I could be just crazy ... but did you kiss me back?"

She reminded herself to breathe again, then cleared her throat. She could lie, but she suspected that John would know it. "I ... believe I did," she said softly. "But I am not sure how I feel about that."

John looked relieved. He leaned back in his chair and nodded. "Good. OK. That's ... that's good. We don't have to figure everything out today."

In that moment, Teyla felt as though a weight had lifted off her. They had time to consider the future; she was in no danger of losing his friendship. She leaned back in her chair, unconsciously mirroring John. For a moment, they smiled at one another across the table. Then Teyla remembered something.

She jumped up from her chair. "Colonel, I have one more gift for you," she said, pulling the box off the shelf where she had stashed it.

He looked suspicious. "That looks like the cake," he said.

"It is."

"Teyla ..."

"I thought perhaps you might like to help me dispose of it." She smiled at him, raising her eyebrows.

"Cool."

* * *

"So, I feel like I should say something, make a speech," John said, looking over the balcony.

Teyla just looked at him.

John shrugged. "Farewell, horrible chocolate cake. We hardly knew ye!" He tipped the box over the side.

Nothing happened.

He shook the box.

Nothing.

Teyla wondered if she would ever be free of her mistake. She vowed she would never cook another Earth food again. She would follow the lead of the wise Dr. Weir and get the kitchen staff to bake for her. With a growl, Teyla smacked the bottom of the cake box.

Finally, the doomed dessert plummeted toward the water like a large, misshapen brick. It landed with a heavy splash.

John tossed the box aside and looked back down toward the water. "Sorry, fish!" he yelled. "Hope they were fast enough to get out of the way."

Teyla laughed. "My apologies as well!" she called down toward the water.

"Man, I can't wait to tell our grandchildren about the time Grandma tried to kill Grandpa with a cake," he said seriously, still staring out at the dark water.

Her hands tightened on the railing. He spoke so casually about the future. Was he joking ? She was never quite sure what to make of him.

"Know what I'd really like for my birthday?" he said slowly, turning to face her.

She had a few ideas, but she shook her head.

"I'd like to try that whole kissing thing again," he said. "We don't have to figure it all out today, but we could start."

She tilted her head and smiled. "It is a special occasion."

"That it is," he said quietly, leaning in for a kiss.

It was completely different than the first. Softer, more gentle, lips brushing over hers as though testing the waters. After a moment, he deepened the kiss, his hands on her shoulders pulling her closer, moving around to her back.

This time, she definitely kissed him back, twisting her hands into the front of his shirt.

When he pulled away, a minute or an hour could have passed. They were both breathless, and they rested their foreheads together like an Athosian greeting. By unspoken agreement, they stepped back slightly and both leaned on the railing.

"I'm really starting to figure this thing out," John said, shooting her a grin.

He was not the only one.

* * *

Gabby made her third pass past Teyla's room, arguing with herself.

She couldn't think of an excuse good enough for interrupting the dinner she knew was going on there. Teyla would see right through anything she came up with.

She would probably be amused, but then again, she always seemed to carry a knife with her, so it might be best not to test that theory.

Still, Gabby was dying to know if this dinner was, as she suspected, a real date.

Being nosy was an unattractive trait, she knew. Still, she'd given up her addiction to "Passions" to come to the Pegasus galaxy; she had to find her entertainment somewhere. Not to mention the sizable bet she had placed with the cute major who was running the biggest relationship betting pool on Atlantis.

Gabby paced further down the hall, then headed for the balcony nearby. She figured she might as well get some fresh air while she was waiting.

For the second time in a week, Gabby Arnold was surprised.

The balcony was already occupied

Colonel Sheppard and Teyla Emmagen stood close, leaning on the railing and looking out at the ocean. As Gabby watched, Sheppard took Teyla's hand in his. A moment later, she leaned onto his shoulder, melting their forms into one.

Gabby sighed happily and turned around, heading toward the kitchen.

Once she was safely away from the balcony, she pumped her fist and hissed "YES!" She had to laugh as she almost ran into a freaked-out looking lieutenant walking by. He clearly thought she was insane.

What she was, Gabby thought later, digging through the freezer for some rocky road ice cream she'd stashed in there, was a winner. The Sheppard/Teyla betting pool was _so_ hers.

She dug into her ice cream and nodded smugly. Her luck was starting to change.

Now she'd have to look into those rumors about Dr. Weir and Colonel Caldwell ...

The End

**The Challenge:** It's John's birthday and Teyla wants to celebrate. She tries to make him a birthday cake ala Earth customs but fails because she can't cook Earth things well. She feels awful, but throws him a quiet Athosian celebration anyway. If you want, you may add some conflict by having Teyla witness Weir giving him a perfect cake. But I would like John to confront Teyla and her admit she tried, then have them have make-up sex, or something close.


End file.
